I should write it all down DUH!!

It dawned on me, while sitting up late tonight, that I should be documenting my thoughts, feelings and emotions during this, my first pregnancy. I have named this blog MADE FROM LOVE, because in all the frustration and stress that is one thing I never want to forget. I am in week 12 and one week away from being out of this rocky first trimester. (fingers crossed, and wish me luck in the next one). The range of emotions I have felt thus far have been a roller coaster to say the least. Most days I feel like I need to vent, I need someone to pour my feelings out to. Since I really don't have that, I suppose this will suffice as an outlet of emotion, and story, that one day I will enjoy to look back on.
Week 6- I had been feeling horrible for about 2 weeks, Not knowing that I was pregnant, I figured it was a bad stomach flu, or some kind of intestinal infection (which I had been hospitalized for before, and should show just how much pain I was feeling) I had made up my mind that it was painful enough to be considered an emergency, and a trip to the ER was in order. I'm not really sure why but something told me "take a pregnancy test" so I sent mike to the store while I got ready for the hospital. I took the test, "positive" took another "positive", both in shock; and me even more scared about the stomach pain, we headed to the ER.  We sat there for quite awhile, me freezing in my hospital gown, grossed out by my IV, and mike sitting in the chair "not really helping the situation" (I think he just didn't know how stressed I was that something was wrong) LOOOONNNGGG story short, after a catheter, blood work, urine sample, two types of ultra sounds, and one hell of a long wait, I was finally told everything was fine. However the "Sometimes its just painful, this is your first pregnancy" answer pissed me off! I knew something wasn't right, there's a difference in pain and PAIN... The one good outcome of the trip was, I got a due date 10/14/12, only 4 days after mikes birthday, and the nice girl giving me the ultrasound, let me see the little circle with a grain of rice looking thing attached to it (my baby) and hear the amazing little heartbeat... Thanks to that girl, she wasn't supposed to show me :)

week 7- Neither Mike or I could wait to tell our families, A: because they wanted to know what I found out was making me sick, B: because we both can't keep a secret, and C: because we were both excited about it. Now I was nervous when I told my mom, not sure why, just was, but her reaction was AWESOME, I think she sang a little song about a bambino, and then asked me to name it Tristan.. Mom's a quack :) Mikes mom was just as excited.. This week I again visited the ER, this time alone after I dropped mike off at work at 4 am. The pain never went away, but I moved trying to get out of our bed and felt a stabbing almost burning, tearing pain in my right lower stomach. Scared the crap out of me!! This time they really didn't do JACK in the hospital... I got a pelvic exam, and was sent home, this is after another nurse telling me that my pain was nothing, "it's your first pregnancy" BLAH BLAH BLAH!! plus the little jerk put my IV in wrong and it was SOOO painful, and was leaking water all over my arm.. needless to say I was pissed... I just wanted answers to why I felt this way. And since I don't have insurance of my own here begins the waiting game to make an appt with a primary doctor..NOTE: I have not had morning sickness yet, but I have been extremely and chronically nauseous and boy does it suck...

Week 8- After a week of calling the hospital and trying to get my paper work in order, I finally got into an OBGYN.  Mike got a ride to work, and I went to my appt. They gave me all kinds of pamphlets and magazines. Took lots of blood, did a PAP, and an ultrasound, this time we couldn't see the baby, only a little tiny flicker like a firefly on the screen (the heart beat), but we heard a good strong heart beat.. 154 (hoping that means it's a girl) The doctor told me that the most likely answer to the pain I've been having was that the extra hormones are causing tiny clusters of cysts to form. There is nothing they can do about this, I just have to let them burst. No test were done though to confirm that this is the source of the pain, so needless to say I'm still worried about it.
This week we started cleaning out the spare room, to paint for a nursery, and we discovered mold growing on the walls and carpet in the closet... YAY :( after some investigation it was discovered that the downspout on the gutter was missing and the rain had been seeping in.. It also ruined all of our spare blankets and comforters that were stored in the closet.. NOTE: my sleeping habit have been horrible I've been staying up until the sun comes up, and am completely exhausted

Week 9 &10- CAPAC DAYS, Because of the mold, my feeling so sick, mike being gone all the time, and feeling lonely, my sister came and got me and the dog, and we headed up to moms house. What was going to be a one week stay turned into a two week stay, but I enjoyed it a lot. My pain still has not gone away, and during my time at moms I was having a lot of difficulty using the bathroom, and that made the pain 10x worse. I have not had much of an appetite, and still though no vomiting, am feeling sick almost 24/7. while I was here mike discovered that our landlord had no real intentions of taking care of the mold situation.. and I am NOT putting a child in a room, where there could be mold in the walls.. Still not feeling up to par, mike came to pick me up, and home we went.. NOTE: Started thinking of baby names, I liked Novalee, dad and mike hated it... we will see :)

Week 11- This week has been on and off. I've still be getting spells of pain daily, and the nausea is still really bad. Mike has started to really drive me crazy. I haven't done much around the house, because of the way I've been feeling, but he is not understanding or helpful at all! I think we have argued close to everyday, and I can't control my emotions, OMG I've been crying like crazy.  He makes remarks to me that piss me off, comparing me to other pregnant woman, and telling me how I should be feeling.. He doesn't understand the pain I'm in. and the fear I'm having of overdoing it through the pain and losing the baby. I think I'm becoming resentful, because I feel like he should be worried and WANT me to take it easy, and help me out. He still hasn't asked me any questions about the baby, or even tried to touch my stomach.. This REALLY bothers me.. I also overdid it one night this week.. I've felt like a hermit over the last few weeks so I went out with my family, and then some friends... By the time I got home I was sooo tired, and my stomach really hurt. Then I felt the worst pain EVER... I got a stab in that same lower right side that literally doubled me over... It was instant tears, mike helped me into bed and I made him rub my back.. It hurt so BAD... It lasted about five mins and then was gone... still very scary... NOTE: It had been decided, we are moving in with my parents for a couple months.. We can't stay in the mold, and never wanted to raise a child in the city anyways.. **Wish us luck finding a new country home.

Week 12- I've still been very frustrated with mike, he's been sleeping A LOT, and not really helping much. Plus everything and everyone seems to have been ticking me off lately... I had my 12 week appointment (or was supposed to) but they cancelled on me as I was putting my shoes on to walk out the door!! apparently the plan of insurance that the state gave me is not accepted by them... So a million phone calls later and now I'm waiting for a new doctors green light to take me on as a patient... so I'm pretty pissed about that. esp because I've still been very sick, and have been having lots of sporadic stabs in that lower side. plus have had non-stop headaches... We (with the help of my sister) started packing this week. We got a lot done (meaning me and Kayla) there's still a lot left to do.. and mike was only awake out of bed for 4 hours out of the last 24.. I could KILL him!! wheres the help?? as for now, week 12 is still underway, I've got a pounding headache, so I'm signing off. more to come.....